Sunday, December 27, 2009

What if you discovered your birth father is Charles Manson?

That's what happened to adoptee Matthew Roberts (read more and see photos here). After he found out his father's identity, and that his father had raped his mother, he went into a depression. Naturally! What a shock.

If we want to have the right to search and find out who our birthparents are, we have to be ready for not-so-pleasant surprises. Knowledge hurts sometimes. But I believe secrets can hurt more than knowledge, and most of the time knowing is better than not.

It sounds like Roberts did not have support--an adoptee group or therapist trained in adoption issues--when he began the search. Searching can be such a lonely, terrifying experience (let alone if something like that happens!) Reach out, all you searching adopteds. Reach out.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Susan said...

I know many people who have used this Charles Manson story as a justifier of closed records or Why People Should Not Search or some such, and it was a tough argument, but you just nailed it. When someone goes into a search unprepared (psychologically, emotionally) and without a lot of support, they are setting themselves up for a real tough time. This would be one of those worst-case scenarios, of course, and one I would advise Searchers to prepare for. It's a one in a million (or more!) scenario but it does happen. Support and preparation are EVERYthing on this journey.