Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Interracial Couples: White Guys Can Understand Kinky Hair Issues

A recent Naturally Curly article discusses how one black woman's white husband totally gets her hair issues. Well, he might not totally get them, but he understands. He knows to tread lightly when she asks him about new 'dos. He would never shun her for doing a "Big Chop" (AKA cutting it super short to go natural) or for deciding one day to get microbraids. This is more than some can say for their mates.

We all know many black men have hair issues--issues with women's hair, that is. Some women might think that only a mate from within the black community would understand the importance of hair, since it's often such a big deal within the community as a whole. But there's something to be said for guys who have no prior hang-ups. And for guys who will truly love you for who you are--no matter your hair's natural texture or the way you decide to style it.

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On another note, I found this article refreshing, not only because of the "hair freedom" topic, but because it emphasizes a particular interracial coupling: the black female with a white male. More often, you see white-woman-black-man couples (especially in Hollywood--but perhaps they just get more media attention and those depictions don't necessarily match reality?) There are people in the black community who get quite upset about this trend. They say there's already a lack of available black men, and it's just a slap in the face to see them step outside the race like that. Then there's the statistic that 60-70% of black female professionals are single. Essence magazine often prints articles about how to keep your man from wandering. The incarceration rate for black men compared to any other demographic in this country is overwhelmingly high. These facts are distressing, to say the least.

There's something to be said about dating someone within your community, whatever community that is most important to you--religious, racial, political, hair (ha!). But at what cost? What if a person is part of one of your communities but not all? What if he's part of your community but there are other problems, problems you aren't sure negate your commonalities? Isn't it more important that you find someone who loves you for you and will support you through all of life's toils and joys?

Easier said than done, I think. At least for me.

4 comments:

Jessenia said...

this was a great post! in the past few years i have come across a few white men that DO know a lot about black woman and their skin and hair. i think its quite fascinating that they really get into it. what i think is so crazy is how black men dating black women have a fit and go off with their boys about how he is so sick of his girlfriend or wife wearing weave. half the time black men seem to not even realize that coarse hair doesnt grow as fast as what we call "normal to fine" hair. i simply dont get it, his momma went through it, his grandmomma went through it, lets be real. as for white man, he embraces a black woman for everything she is and wants to do from what i have seen.

i think that is so true that many black woman spend countless hours online searching ways to "keep their man" how insane is that!! i understand the disparities between black vs. white, but to me its all just nonsense. you shouldnt be in a relationship trying to figure out how to keep your man eyes on only you. i would definitely be out of the relationship if i can ever came to that. Good post!

Bea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bea said...

I agree with the author of this blog and the comment made by Jessenia. It is so true, I have dated black men ( I am an AA/NA woman). They gave me a lot of heck and strife just because I wanted to wear my hair in natural curls or straighten, braid, or twist it. I have natural long hair so I must say that I can wear it curly, wavy, straight, or crimped and my husband who is CC does not mind it. I wore a short wig just to switch up my hairstyles to see if I want to cut my hair and my husband loved it. 3 years ago, my hair fell out due to 2 miscarriages, stress, and grief that I went through with our miscarriages and my husband was still there. My hair was very short like I cut it natural and he still oiled my scalp, massaged it and took care of my hair for me like he always does. He even knows how to braid my hair at night and that lets me know that he knows he is a CC man but he respects me enough to love me and support me no matter what. Love is colorblind and one thing he always tells me... love yourself, accept yourself and that means your hair too. When my hair grew back, he nurtured my hair and still told me no matter if your hair is short or long, I love you for who you are. Your hair is an addition of you but I love to see your face and I love you because you are my wife.

Some white men are wonderful and they look past color the thing is the black men and the black community wants to place a scarlet letter on those of us who date or marry white men. Nevertheless they date and marry white women too.They are selfish, arrogant, and stupid.

Liberty said...

@Jessenia: I agree with you--you KNOW these black men have seen the women in their families (mothers, grandmothers, sisters) go through the hair stuff...you'd think they'd be more accepting and understanding. Some are, of course, but it's always amazing to me when I hear about those who aren't.

@Bea: Your husband sounds absolutely wonderful. Thanks for sharing.